NOT work safe.
I can top the boys scary video
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Category Archives: adult-only
Not the best day ever.
Today I had a really hard therapy session talking about my mom. Then I called my brother and he was his typical asshole self. At the end he flippantly told me that our step-mother died three weeks ago. I lost it. I almost crashed my car.
Trudy was literally the only person in my family who has ever told me that none of it was my fault and that she doesn’t blame me for any of it.
I tried to arrange one on one time with someone this evening to feel a little less shitty and that didn’t work out. I felt really rejected even though I know I shouldn’t have. I was being upset about the earlier news more than I was reacting to that exact situation.
But I really hurt right now.
Saturday morning conversations.
So Noah and I are lying in bed talking and the conversation manages to get around to the fact that he thinks that everyone who knows me wants to do me. I disagree with this assertion. Not because I have low self esteem, but because I simply don’t think that I am everyone’s cup of tea. We argued and argued and no one was winning so I decided to take it to the most appropriate forum possible. LJ. 😀 So please, clicky clicky on the poll.
things change
I have been planning Friday Night Waltz tonight for about 4 weeks. But uhhh now it isn’t a good idea. 🙁 I’m not still throwing up, but if I get up and move around my stomach starts hurting again. So I’m going to be sitting pretty still today and tomorrow. Sunday evening I am supposed to help with load in for http://www.dnalounge.com/flyers/2006/05/21-lookingglass.html. Is anyone else going?
Rob says
“When lightning strikes a human being, it’s usually bad news. Not so inthe case of a man from Maine named John Corson. After experiencing awhitish-blue bolt shoot through his body during a thunderstorm, hetestified that his health became better than it had been in a longtime. “I feel lighter and 100 years younger,” he marveled. I predict acomparable (though less shocking) rejuvenation for you, Virgo. Whatyou’re going through or about to go through might cause a breakdown insome people, but for you it will lead to a breakthrough.”
As Noah just put it, “That’s kind of the story of your life.”
ha.
For the record
The boys have come to the conclusion that I’m not reacting to alcohol I am just sick. I threw up four times today, the last time I had only had green tea flavored water. I’m just sick. I did manage to keep some soup down this evening but moving around still causes my stomach to hurt enough that I am calling in sick to work tomorrow.
I didn’t do that much partying last night. I had three drinks over the course of about three hours. Although last night that was enough to make me black out portions of the evening and catch my hair on fire. I don’t want to talk about it. I feel like a total fucking idiot and for the life of me I don’t understand why Google Boy was willing to come take care of me today after I made such a horse’s ass of myself. *bang head against wall*
I am sick. I feel really awful. I would want to cry, but the boys in my life have babied me so much today that even that doesn’t seem necessary. They traded off taking care of me this evening and had a lovely little chat over my prone form. I really like both of them. I am so lucky.
It’s official.
I don’t just want to puke, I have. Twice.
Is today over yet?
holy shit
I am so hung over it isn’t funny. May I tell you all how intimidating a classroom full of teenagers is when you are so hungover you want to throw up all over the place?
Last night I was really stupid. But I had fun. 🙂 woof. Not doing that again anytime soon.
Hidden Messages Meme
List ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. (I’m going to skip the tagging this time.)
1. I love you more than I can ever express and I am very sad that I can’t be near you.
2. Please give me more space. I feel like I am choking.
3. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but things will be ok in the long run. I have faith in you.
4. It’s time to move on. If you keep thinking about him it will only hurt you more.
5. Please stop hurting yourself. I love you so much and it is difficult to see you do this. I know it isn’t about me, but–please stop for you.
6. I love you.
7. I think you are hot and I want to jump you.
8. I am sicking of dealing with your bullshit drama. In fact, I am so sick of it that I am just not going to deal with you anymore. I’m done.
9. I really love that you think of me when you hear that song.
10.If you want to do it, just do it. Stop being afraid.
And real life returns
I am watching a movie in preparation for class tomorrow. Oy.
The weekend was lovely. Portland Boy is sweet and fun. I think I likes him. 🙂 Breakfast with the boys was quite lovely. I think that the boys basically liked one another. Yay!!!
Yesterday we wandered around SF for a bit and had fun. When we finally got back to my house around 5:30 I passed out hard. He decided that I only got a two hour nap. Meaniehead. I woke up and made him dinner and we watched a movie. That was fun. “Quiet please.”
Today I took him down to Santa Cruz and showed him around a bit. That was quite nice as such things are want to be. 🙂 We came back and I tied him up for a while. I haven’t tied up a boy with the intention of having sex with him in years. Not since Tom. It was most disconcerting. I had a hard time getting my equilibrium back.
I also had a moment this morning when he was on the phone with his mother where I felt out of sorts and sad, but that is going to happen in my life.
Tonight we had good Indian food and started a movie I have to watch for class. Dropping him off was kind of sad, but I will see him again in about a month. 🙂
Time is so fleeting
Right now I have a lovely boy sleeping in my bed. There are moments when I curse being a morning person.
I did not use my time wisely last night because while his plane was delayed I should have found a handicapped bathroom so we could fuck before even leaving the airport. Instead, I sat in the walkway waiting and had a very drunk, very obnoxious guy hassle me for about 20 minutes. I guess wearing a ridiculously short and intensely red dress will get attention. So we didn’t get to fuck at the airport. Very sad.
I dragged him to the grocery store after that so we could figure out what we want to eat this weekend. It was fun to fondle his ass and kiss him into silence periodically. He responds so easily to any aggressive actions. Once or twice he did remind me that he is bigger and stronger than me and can have his way if he wants it and that is even hotter.
When we got home I started putting dinner together and got distracted. Oh baby did we get distracted. I have had conservative friends ask in judgmental voices why I want to have more than one lover. Sometimes I want to tell them that I continue to want new lovers partially because of that moment of discovery one has with new or rare partners. When taking someones close off is still a great surprise and gift. That moment when someone will push me down and say, “No, I just want to look at you” and then devour my body with his (or her) eyes only. That moment gives me more happiness and self-regard building than most. That is when I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I have beauty. I am a big believer that being in love with someone positively colors one’s regard of them–which is hardly a bad thing–but it makes judgment of beauty more biased.
I also got to introduce him to the concept of different sizes of condoms. Hey, who knew that they could actually feel comfortable? Silly boy. (Fellas–I’m telling you. Try out different sizes and brands!!)
When we finished we went and found dinner on legs shaking from exertion. After eating we passed out well before 11. This allowed us to wake up in the middle of the night when just the proximity of one another lead to more desire.
Now I have been awake for about an hour. In two hours my boys get to all meet. I am nervous but excited.
Another episode of “My Surreal Life”
I am running around getting ready for Portland Boy’s visit. I want fast, energetic happy music to push myself along with. So what do I put on?
The Supertones.
Uhm … that means nothing to you? Oh–you mean you don’t listen to Christian Ska?
So I’m bopping around singing along with “I chose Christ and here I am today. I’m in Christ and Christ’s in me!” as I prepare for a visit from my lover. Yeah. Weird.
Tagged again! :)
Name 10 of life’s simple pleasures that you like most, then pick ten people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not use things that someone else has already used.
1. Pink fuzzy shower curtains hung as my living room curtain.
2. When more than 1/2 of my class is up to date on their reading. (Seriously, this makes me deliriously happy.)
3. Knowing that in less than 24 hours I get to see my Portland Boy!!
4. Going to sleep and waking up with my Noah.
5. When someone tells me they like my smile.
6. Driving through a massive rainstorm and then seeing a beautiful rainbow on the other side.
7. Having Noah start rubbing some part of me (massage you filthy perverts) while we are just sitting around having a conversation.
8. Feeling heard.
9. Walking along the beach hearing stories about someone I like a lot.
10. Knowing that in 36 hours I will be in a restaurant with three of the men that make me the happiest.
My life so rocks.
Oh, I choose: malixe, celledhor(boy you never post), gerardp, fuzzyturtlefoamslice, meerkat299, soulcookie, notanai, polkamadness, and terpsichoros. Yeah, we’ll see if even *two* of you do it. Heh.
Almost done
I just hit print on my last paper of the semester. I have class in two hours.
So close.
Evolution of Dance
I guess I’m not going to wait.
I had this flash into why I wanted to do the rename. As cute and sassy as rightkindofbrat is, it is also something that I know I would grow weary of. I would get tired of the ‘hehe hehe you’re a brat’ pretty quickly. The point wasn’t that I am just a brat. And as much as the suggestions were well meaning, I have no interest in being identified as a virago or a bitch. Because those things aren’t me either. I’m so many many things. I have fought for years to be ok with who and what I am because people have always told me that I wasn’t right. I wasn’t submissive enough, I wasn’t respectful enough, I wasn’t quiet enough … hell I’ve been told I am the wrong kind of slutty.
But you know what? I am not wrong about any of it. I am exactly the right thing that I am supposed to be. I understand Jaguar’s objection to being the “right kind” of anything, but damnit–I am the right kind of me.
I am the right kind of me.
Rob tells us Virgos:
It’s a good time to work on your moon tan. I suggest you put on abathing suit and find a place where the moon can beam down on you for awhile. As you bask in its glow, periodically turning over to let itsaturate every part of your body, imagine that soaking up the lunarvibes will deepen and tone your emotional life, enhance yourreceptivity, make you a wiser nurturer, and build up your knack foradjusting deftly to change.
Ironic considering I CAN’T SLEEP!!!!
I answered this in several journals so I should share the love.
Leave a comment in my LJ listing each of the numbers that indicatesyour thoughts/feelings towards me. Then leave this meme in your own LJ.
0= I don’t know you.
1= I like you.
2= I love you!!
3= You are funny.
4= You are cool.
5= I don’t really care for your personality.
6= I want to fuck you.
7= You are sexy!
8= You’re a sweetheart.
9= I want to get to know you better.
10= I hope you die.
11= Marry me, PLEASE?
12= Let’s makeout.
Thinking about it.
So I mentioned that I have been thinking that this nick doesn’t quite fit me and a few people agreed. Now I am going to put it forth to ya’ll (one of thos blatant requests for input):
What do you think might fit me?
SlutPrincess has been suggested (what is funny is that was a friend’s password on all her accounts for a long time)
but I don’t know that I want another nick with the word slut in it. It gets old.
However, RightKindOfBrat isn’t taken. 🙂
Any other suggestions? I’ve been thinking I should change it for over a year and I have taken no steps so who knows if/when it will happen. I will have to find something I really like because frankly this nick has an excessively large recognition factor in a lot of different communities for me at this point.
Boys and boys and girls oh my!
I have work to do, but this entry is buzzing around in my brain and maybe if I get it out I will be able to do some work.
On Saturday I went to Naughty. Whether this entry is porn or just me talking about my life is something that you must decide for yourself.