people.

These meme’s with the big pictures? They fuck up my display. Can you please use cut tags?

Thank you.

🙂

So I had insomnia last night. And I woke up to an alarm, which makes me grumpy. It makes me even more grumpy when Puppy doesn’t get out of bed and decides that he actually wants to roll over and sleep for another hour. I don’t go back to sleep once I’ve woken up–so this fucks me, and not in a good way. Eventually he wakes up and I am not the sweetest girl I have ever been. We both lie there for a while not talking, there is obvious tension in the air and I can’t tell if it is me being a bitch cause I’m tired or if there is something on his mind or what. He went and took a shower. drama and angst

Scheduling Schtuff

Ok. I have finished the last of my assignments for the class I hate. This means I still have to write my seminar paper. (I deserve a bitch slap for not being done with this.) I also have to put together an “Ideas Book” for the class I liked. *sigh* I have until Monday for the evil paper and 13 days for the Ideas Book. Yeah. Watch me procrastinate…

I need an icon for school stuff. Puppy also made the comment that he wants an icon. I told him that if he gets an icon he will have to write guest pieces. We’ll see how that goes. 🙂

I have to leave for school in one hour. It is my last long day of the semester. Jeeeeeeeezus I want to be done already. I still have to drive down to SJ a few more times in the next two weeks, but not for a 5 hour stretch.

Uhm, can you tell I am bored and trying to find good procrastination excuses for not starting my paper immidiately?

Other babbling, cause I like doing that…
All day tomorrow I am working on my seminar paper. Sheesh, it’s only 12–15 pages. That’s nothing… I also have all day on Sunday to work on it. 🙂
Tomorrow night I am going to a sex party. I’m a little nervous cause I’m going with a hot girl and no Puppy. I still haven’t figured out how much play I am comfortable doing, but I know that people will love me even if I say no to everything. It’s a damn good thing too! I get to come home and snuggle my Puppy though. That will be nice. Puppy might be going to work Saturday morning or he might be a slacker. I am willing to bet he will lean towards slacking. He is going shooting with the psycho guy I don’t like in the afternoon and then he is going to spend from 3-10:30 with me and then I have to drop him off at the airport. 🙁 I lose my baby in less than 58 hours. 🙁 I am thinking about going to Sin! afterwards cause it is free for me and it is better than going home and crying. Will anyone else be there?

Oh: Puppy is going to stay shaved for the summer. 🙂

I should go find some meme’s and torture the hell out of my friends-list. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

I am turnng this in today.
The write up of an interview with an administrator I worked with last semester.

Why I hate giving blood. I spent the rest of the day feeling dizzy and nauseous and I was trembling. On my walk back from the store (I seriously needed red meat and juice) I threw up. I had scoped where the trash cans were on the way there because I knew I was going to need it. That sucked ass through a straw. Yeah. I made steak and mashed potates and had juice and cream corn and it was goooooood. Did you know that cream corn swimming in blood from a rare steak is nectar of the gods? Hot damn was that tasty. Puppy watched a movie and we sort of cuddled every so often. Not the best couch for it. Eventually the movie ended and at 10:30 I went and crawled into bed and fell asleep hard and fast. We managed to go to sleep without having sex. I have no idea when the last time we did that was. Have I mentioned that I am tired of my body deciding that 7 1/2 hours is all the sleep it wants? Waking up at 6 blows chunks.

This morning he told me that he is going to shave for his trip to Nepal. I can logically understand it–it will make his life easier and cooler and all. But I feel funny about it. He made the off-hand crack that I have mentioned that I want to actually see his face at some point and this is my chance. Buddy, I don’t want my shot at seeing you bare-faced to be as you are running off to spend 10 days with your ex in a foreign country. 🙁 His jokes don’t quite go over as he plans at times. I don’t know why I feel so weird about it, but I do. It is occuring to me that maybe I can ask him to just keep it off for the summer or at least for a while. That way it won’t just be about spending time with her in my head.

I still don’t feel well physically. My stomach is upset and I get dizzy when I stand up. Yeah, no gym trip today–I feel weak as a kitten.

meow

and I’m tired.

I got up early made Puppy breakfast and ran down to SJ. I had a meeting this morning. It took longer than it should have, but still not that long. It went well–the guy I was talking to is very cool. I had lunch with my sister, it went well. I wandered back to campus and gave blood. This is a deal. I haven’t done it in six years because the last time I did it was horrible and I went into shock. This time I’m just woozy and tired and my tummy hurts. I have talked to my cable company and figured out how to cancel service. I dealt with my stupid cell phone company. I went through a bunch of paperwork last night.

Now I’m going to go sit and write a paper for tomorrow.

I feel so productive and useful. I wish my head felt better now… 🙁

A newly discovered fragment of the oldest surviving copy of the New Testament indicates that, as far as the Antichrist goes, theologians, scholars, heavy metal groups, and television evangelists have got the wrong number. Instead of 666, it’s actually the far less ominous 616.

wow.

I guess every Satan worshipper with a 666 tattoo is going to feel stupid now. (Oh yeah.. I’m calling Detroit baybee.)

because it was so funny.

Now I have found it on the web.

http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1115288070

There is sound, and it is sort of not work safe. No humans are doing anything… but… dude. It is hella funny.

And I decided that as usual, I will bring the topic to lj for more data points.

This is a poll on peeing. Mostly directed at boys, but girls are more than welcome to answer if they want to. 🙂
Peeing!

I had a wonderful evening spending time with polly_perverse and blacksheep_lj. I’m really lucky to have such fabulous friends. We had food that was only slightly scary to me.

I came home and snuggled with my Puppy and we had our usual good sex before dosing off. (It is part of the contract. I get sex every night.) But at some point in the middle of the night… he says I woke him up, but I remember him waking me up. I think I was making noise and moving in my sleep and that got him to wake up. He asked me what was wrong.
Horny.

Lots of good stuff is happening in my life. But what do I focus on?

Minor frustrations about things that if I posted it here it would really piss off the person I am irritated with.

Being scared about this relationship tanking after I am taking a huge risk.

I am really having issues dealing with my weight right now. Puppy is capable of speaking frankly about the fact that yes, I am carrying around about 20 extra pounds. He is adamant that he doesn’t feel I need to lose weight and that he wouldn’t love me any more if I lost weight and he won’t love me any less if I lose weight, but I feel extra shitty and crappy and fat and ugly.

What in the fuck is wrong with me? I had a really awesome weekend. Puppy and I took in our applications for the apartment that we want. I have wonderful friends who comfort me as I feel ubershitty with no cause. There really is nothing more that I could ask for.

Why in the hell do I want to cut so bad that I am avoiding my bathroom then?

We looked at a couple of apartments. One was icki and we stayed for about two minutes. The other… well…

To contain my excitement: we likes. It’s rather big! The living room is the size of the living room and bedroom in Puppy’s current place. The master bedroom is probably the size of my room and has So Much closet space. *squeak* The second bedroom is pretty small, but uhm… yeah… that’s ok.

The kitchen is on the small side when it comes to ‘dining area’ but there is quite a bit of cupboard space and easily twice as much counter space as I have at the moment. (Which is more than Puppy has at his place.) We likes. It has a dishwasher! ooohhhhhh…. I remember that….

We talked about furniture arrangements. 😀 We think that we would like to put his bed in the living room and mount the projector over it. 😀 We will then reinforce the frame and make it truly suspension worthy and one side of it will be really perfect for beatings. Let the beatings commense! We will have neighbors below us, and other than that we share just the wall in the kitchen–so in most of the apartment noise isn’t an issue. There is a lot of light throughout the apartment and there is a decent sized balcony/deck. We are already negotiating where stuff will be located. 🙂 I’m excited.

Ok. We haven’t filled out paper work or anything… but this is a pretty cool place. I wouldn’t need a dresser because the smaller of the two closets in the master bedroom has built in shelves. I would probably want something for my delicates, but most of it is fine sitting out like that. (Hell, that is what is happening now…)

Ooh. And there is a garage. 🙂 Did I mention it would put me just a smidge closer to the Observatory and some of my most favoritest people? 🙂

And people came through in spades.

I really appreciate it everyone. Opening my inbox to see a flood of comments made me feel so much better that I wanted to cry. I have no idea what I have done to deserve the wonderful people in my life, but I am so completely grateful.

Thank you.

I called Puppy and said, “I feel like a horrible bitch and I don’t know why you want to date me.” He said, “Well, I don’t think you are a bitch at all and if you don’t know why I want to date you it’s ok. As long as you just keep showing up and seeing that I want you more than anything you will eventually just accept it without understanding it.” Then he told me some of the sweetest things that have ever been said to me.

I’m gonna cry.

Well, I need something today. I feel crappy and useless and not very loveable.

If you are reading this, you are someone that I think highly of. What do you think of me? Why do you put up with my shit? Am I as mean to you as I feel like I am? 🙁

I have been feeling extra bitchy and not-nice for the last two days or so. Lots of icki brushes with schtuff. But today I had a huge argument and we still like each other. Then I had lunch with a fun girl who is massively good for my ego.

I was also asked to potentially go perform and teach classes at Kink in the Caribbean in November. I’ll find out in June… EEEK! I’m nervous about that one.

I want to figure out how to be a kinder, gentler person. I don’t like being a bitch. 🙁

Uhm. I finally managed to get back on the wireless network at school. Yay. So now I have to finish my presentation that is due in 4 hours. 😀 While in the other class… muahahaha. I’m not a nice girl. I’m really not.

More negotiations last night, twas good stuff. This boy is really rocking my world. How come every time we have an issue it is resolved to a level that is rather satisfactory to me within about twenty minutes? He is so nice. Ok, I’m all schmoopy this morning. I did something crazy last night. Really crazy.

I gave notice. He asked me to move with him and I’m going to do it. I told him it is waiting another two months. I never thought anything could feel this good. I’m not willing to tell ya’ll just how crazy I am. I’m not willing to admit just how much we have talked about, just how far into the future we are planning… but… yeah. It’s good stuff. For the record: I’m not willing to rush into anything past the basic living together bit. Yeah. Everything else has uhm waiting periods. Ah shit. I thought living together had a waiting period too and I am totally skipping it.

*shake head* I’m crazy. But I’m really happy. Ok. Let’s hope we get through the next 11 days with no more bumps. Cause then I have to miss him for a while and that’s gonna suck.

Hey ya’ll…

I have a reason to want fresh porn for this coming weekend. Don’t ask. Really. Don’t. I am going to be really graphic and make some pretty out there requests. It is behind a cut so if you don’t want to know what I’m looking for, don’t look. 🙂 I would like…

http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/go_fug_yourself/2004/08/index.html

An awesome girl posted a link to some tools that are useful in dealing with depression. I haven’t tried any of them (uhm, I read about them about five minutes ago) but they sound really interesting.

Here’s hoping for any help when things suck: http://www.noelfigart.com/depressiontools.html