I hate decisions.

I don’t know what to do tonight. *grumble*

I’m not feeling up to hussling for dances tonight, so I feel like I shouldn’t go to FNW. Yet, I would kind of like to go. I would like to dress up and feel pretty. Yet, if I’m not up to hussling for dances I will end up not dancing and then I will feel like shit.

I could go to a dinenr party with people I don’t know as someones date. Erf. Dinno.

I could stay home. That may be the best option right now.

Miss BlackSheep posted an article on the other blog site about late term abortion. http://www.boston.com/news/globe/magazine/articles/2004/01/25/my_late_term_abortion/

I cried and cried and cried.

I want to curl up in someone’s arms right now.

Pulled from…. people

1. Tell me one thing you love about me.

2. Tell me two things you love about yourself.

3. Look through the comments… when you see someone you know, tell them three things you love about them.

4. Do this in your journal so I can tell you what I love about YOU.

I just received this email:

I’m the Director of Marketing for Tribe.net. We’re in the process of putting together some advertising (online banner ads, off line wall posters, etc.) and we wanted to use one of the quotes you provided on Tribe. I’d like to get your approval to use that quote and your Tribe.net first name our advertising. Would this be ok with you?

Here’s the quote:

I really like this movie. I’m going to have another movie night within the next few weeks to watch it again with some of the boys I’m sleeping with. (Wow, that makes it sound like a lot of them… oh wait… there are a lot of them…) – Krissy (3°), posted 9/16/04

If so, please let me know via email and if you can provide me with your full address I can send you a self-addressed envelope with a release form for you to sign.

I know this request may sound peculiar so please don’t hesitate to email me back or call me. My work email is ***

Thank you,

Darian ***
Director of Marketing
Tribe.net

———————————————————————–

I think I’ll say yes. 😉

Ok people, I’m catching up on my net-crack and I really must point people at a blog.

Monk has one of the most awesome, entertaining, well-written, well-rounded blogs I have ever read. He is a big ol’ pervert, but absolutely a fantastic human being. I want to carbon copy him so that the bay area can have one.

Go read and giggle. Boys. Notice the secret weapon #4.

I was reasonable. I got all upset about something earlier today. I had a weird bit of reaction to something first thing in the morning and it snowballed into me crying for a few hours and just generally being a big freak.

How did I deal with this you might ask? (Ok, you might not ask. But I’ll bloody tell you anyway.) I went to the person I was upset with. I said, “Wow. I’m really upset about this.” I brought data with me to illustrate what I was upset about.

We talked.

Stuff was resolved.

Go grown ups being responsible and shit.

A big chunk of it was me not understanding. A piece of it was was unclear communication. A smaller piece of it was a difference in value systems. Ok then.

All is well. And I didn’t post a hysterical rant about why he is an evil bastard. Go me. Cause he isn’t. I was just upset.

A – Age : 23
B – Band listening to right now : Toby Keith (Miss Jenny’s computer should stop skipping already!!!)
C – Career in future: Teacher
D – Dad’s name: Jim/James
E – Easiest person to talk to: I have to think about this. Probably Noah. He is the only person I don’t feel like I censor stuff to save his feelings.
F – Favorite song at the moment: “She Was the Prize” – Gaelic Storm
G – Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Gummy Bears. Bite their heads off!!
H – Hometown: I was born in Canyon Country. But I think of Los Gatos as home.
I – Instruments: I have no talent. I suck.
K – Kids: I want them pretty fiercely. Now it is just a matter of finding the right boy to have them with.
L – Longest car ride ever: To Oklahoma with my mommy
M – Mom’s name: Vivian
N – Number of siblings: I have two living and one dead.
P – Phobia[s]: abandonment, ants.
Q – Favorite Quote: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
R – Reason to smile: No matter how much ickiness there is in my life, I have the most amazing support network in the world.
S – Song you sang last: Chrome- Toby Keith.
T – Time you wake up: Between 6:45 and 7 most days.
U – Unknown fact about me: hmmm. I’m too public. I send random cards because I like receiving them. Send off into the ether what you want to get kind of thing.
V – Vegetable you hate: onions.
W – Worst habit: Being judgmental.
X – X-rays you’ve had: Arms, dental, head?
Y – Yummy food: too many to name! Thai food.
Z – Zodiac sign: Virgo (Yes ted, Pisces) 🙂

Less sick. No dancing because it would be irresponsible, but fun will be had through less physical exertion.

With a line like, What the fuck? My twatrags are talking to me? everyone should read this.

Who is sick?

What kind of sick?

It was stated that everyone is sick. I want to know what kind of misery I am sharing.

I don’t have time to be sick. I have homework to do, cleaning to do, not to mention lots of boys to do. I have a play scheduled for this Friday and a Ren Faire all weekend. Please God, let me feel better by tomorrow or there is no freakin way I should go to the Ren Faire. 🙁

I don’t wanna miss out on fun!!!!!!!!!!!! It would suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate hurling. 🙁

I must be sending off some very weird sort of pheromones today. I was driving home from class and not one, but two guys started up conversations when I was sitting at stop lights. Both of them asked me to follow them. WTF?! Uhh… I didn’t follow either of them. I was more than a little freaked out by it happening twice within 3 minutes though.

Noah and I had a chat last night. A lot of it centered around defining what is wrong with me. I really and truly love these conversations. He puts things into perspective for me.

So right now I’m pondering where my focus is. How I’m choosing to spend my time. What kind of disfunctional I am. What kind of disfunctional do I encourage other people to be?

As he says- “You have all the positives that come with being crazy, only you aren’t.” How is this manifesting in my life?

What do I want? Who do I want? On one hand, it is fabulous to have choices. On the other hand… choices are scary and overwhelming.

My gorgeous friend Mo is in a play.

I want to go on Saturday November 13th because it is the only Saturday night I have available… Really sad, I know. I’m so busy. Frightning.

Anyone want to come with me?

I was sitting around thinking this morning (instead of paying attention in class) about the boys in my life.

I am sooooooooooooo lucky. I like my Noah. I like my James. (How in the hell did he become my James so fast?! Dude. I am going slower in my head than he is. Most frightning.) I’m in love and in lust and really enamored and twitterpated and… yeah. Good stuff.

Uhm. Other boys are uhm. Not so easy right now. Time is a limited commodity unfortunately. No wonder so many people tell me they have a hard limit of two at a time. I’m not giving up on having options though. Damnit! Like boys! Want more fun! Hm. Sleep isn’t necessary, is it? I can find more time for fun somewhere… Oh wait. I’m already not sleeping enough.

hmmm…. 🙂

I need to devote some quality time to more icons. If a cute boy thinks I should have more icons, more icons I shall have.

Yesterday I flaked on the SF munch and plans with friends because my stomach hurt and I had a horrible headache. I wandered around in circles putting stuff away all day instead. Uhm… progress was made I suppose… I apologize to those I flaked on. I wanted to see you both. 🙁

I haven’t been going to play parties lately. I used to go to this one party every first Saturday for three straight years. Now… I haven’t been much in the last nine months. Dancing was the first thing that I was ever willing to skip the event for. I haven’t been to this party in six months. At around eight o’clock I realized that I should get off my ass if I was going to go. I didn’t really want to go, but I had RSVP’ed and I haven’t seen any of them in forever.Many friends were very happy about seeing me. I haven’t been going to the munch either, and now I really won’t go to that munch anymore (it’s in Sunnyvale. I don’t think so.)

I showed up a little after nine and left a bit after eleven. I am such a party animal. I figured that I would just be socializing and snuggling a little with these people that I have loved for years. Well, it was almost true. Until L told me to follow him to the kitchen. Then he had me wash his hands for him (ok, that was kinda hot). Then we went into one of the other rooms and he fucked with my mouth for a long time. I really really like being controlled by my mouth. It is one of my secret hot buttons. (Secret as in: not mentioned in the users guide.) Being controlled by my mouth is one of the fastest ways to get me into a submissive headspace. I get wet. I feel like I totally belong to the person who is using me. Very powerful stuff. We played like that for a while and then he went and got knives and hurt me for a while. *swoon* And I didn’t think I was going to play! 🙂 The goal of this scene, as stated by him, was to make me scream. Yay. I do like boys who want to make me scream. I talked to people for a little while after the scene and then I went on my way home.

Sleeping alone is ok. I am now up to four nights by myself alone in my bed in this apartment. (not that I am keeping track) I’m falling asleep ok if I cling tightly to Ted and Edmund. I haven’t woken up in the middle of the night yet. The hard part right now is when I wake up in the morning. That was the traditional time for Tom and I to snuggle. 🙁 Instead, I am getting out of bed way early and getting stuff done. Not a horrible thing.

Y = Yes (or yes, again), M = maybe, N = No, = = decline to state.

( ) go out with me?
( ) give me your number?
( ) let me kiss you?
( ) have sex with me?
( ) play an SM scene with me?
( ) watch a movie with me… even a really sappy one?
( ) let me take you out to dinner?
( ) drive me somewhere/anywhere?
( ) take a shower with me?
( ) be my gf/bf?
( ) have a fling with me?
( ) listen to me if I called you, crying, even if you were out with all of your friends?
( ) buy me a drink if I didn’t have money?
( ) take me home for the night?
( ) let me sleep in your bed?
( ) sing car karaoke with me?
( ) sit in the doctors office with me because I didn’t want to go alone?
( ) re-post this for me to answer your questions?
( ) come and pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of petrol in the middle of nowhere?

Screened comments if you want them to be.

I don’t like this one very much.

Today I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond. I spent $22. I got:

2 new sets of sheets. (I had two so far, but they are both in cruddy shape and I hate hate hate the green set. Damn clingy knit crap.)
Toilet bowl brush (not exciting but way necessary)
3 new towels: one blue, one green, one PINK. Guess who gets the pink one?
Drawers for under my bathroom sink. I need to organize my schtuff.
A new comb that will hang better in my shower than the one in there right now. It falls down a lot. Ickiness.
A new scrubby loofah thing. The one I have now… uhmmmmm I’ve had it a while. Needs go bye bye.
3 bars of vanilla scented soap cause I like it and damnit I can have a girly bathroom now.
3 vanilla sachets for keeping in with blankets/closet/drawer places. 🙂
A new hamper cause the one I have is too small and very very broken.

Ok, so I spent $22. But I got all of this through the generosity of two very wonderful, fabulous people. I appreciate your willingness to give me such a generous gift for my birthday. Most of these things I don’t “need” but they certainly make my life a bit better. I spent a few hours in the store trying to figure out how best to spend the money to get the most for what I had and I am really happy about the purchases.

I would have just sent an email, but I only have the girl one’s email. The boy one should read this too. I love you both. Thank you.

James asked me to come over tonight. It will make my already heinous commute longer. It will mean skipping Pryanksters. It will mean leaving S&P early.

dude.

I’m going to do it. *sigh* Girls are such silly creatures.

Suicide Tuesday came and went. I’m still smiling. I’m still happy. Life is all spiffy and such. I’m still ok with the break up. Things are in a strange sort of settling in. I happier about most everything than I thought I would/could be.

I’m tempted to wait for the other shoe to drop and for depression to sink in.

Nawww. I’ll just keep smiling and singing and feeling all kinds of loved. I’m going to be ok. I’ll keep on keeping on.