“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

– Theodor Seuss Geisel aka Dr. Suess
Pondering and such

I got distracted while doing homework, so I didn’t have time to write up my report of my first BM event. I didn’t get a chance to write a long story about my first experience with Ecstasy. I didn’t get a chance to tell you all about all the really yummy sex I had.

Bummer.

Maybe I will write it up in class and post it when I next have internet access. 🙂

He isn’t coming home tonight.

Right at this minute,

I would rather slit my wrists than continue packing.

How can I leave.

I don’t post what http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes tells me very often, but I like this week.

“In countries where large percentages of the population believe in hell, there seems to be less corruption and a higher standard of living,” concluded a study by the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis. My translation: Many people are motivated to do the right thing out of primal dread. I bring this up, Virgo, because it is critical for you to wean yourself of any attraction you might have to letting fear serve as a central motivator. I’m happy to report that in the coming months, you will have an unprecedented opportunity to retrain yourself to do just that. By September 2005, your quest for success and goodness could very well be inspired primarily by your love of life.”

I do have an unprecedented opportunity. I am already already making steps toward living my life for reasons other than fear. Breaking up with Tom was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It scared the stuffing out of me. I did it because I had to. We weren’t good for one another. I’m moving out earlier than strictly necessary because it is the best thing to do. I’m terrified.

I’m going to keep on keeping on. I had a necklace when I was little. It was a gold heart. Around the periphery it said over and over, “Live to Love to Live to Love” so that you couldn’t tell which word was supposed to be the first one. I’ve never been able to get it out of my head. I don’t know whether I live in order to have the opportunity to love or if I love to live. There is also a country song (isn’t there always) “Love to be wanted” the chorus is:
“Do you love to be wanted or want to be loved
When you let your hair down and push comes to shove
Is all that I have always enough
Do you love to be wanted or want to be loved”

Sometimes I hear that in my head and I wonder. I know that I have gotten a lot of attention in the past year. I know that I have encouraged it. I have thought over and over in my life that I just want to be loved. Is it true though? Do I want to be loved or do I just love to be wanted in order feed my over weening ego?

I ramble too much when I don’t want to pack. *sigh*

http://www.xeromag.com/fvmonopoly.html

The National Boycott for Equality on Oct. 8th.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Dale Duncan (757) 257-6215
dsd@boycottforequality.org

Gays and Lesbians to Withdraw Cash from Banks October 8 – Could Total Billions

Atlanta, GA, September 22, 2004 – Organizers of the Boycott For Equality are expanding their nationwide walkout to include a coordinated cash withdrawal from the economy on October 8.

To demonstrate the need for equality in marriage and the workplace, Straight and Gay supporters will each take out $80 from their local ATM.

Boycott For Equality expects the action will exhaust the cash in many ATMs, leaving a reminder of gay economic power to all who try to use them throughout the long bank weekend.

To further drive home the lessons taught during the Boycott, participants should refer to the Boycott when communicating with their elected representatives, particularly when candidates ask for money to fund their campaigns.

“Let them know you participated in the Boycott” explained Duncan. “Just take your ATM receipt, cross out your account number, circle your balance, write GAY MONEY on it and mail it to campaign headquarters in the postage paid envelope they provide. They’ll get the message that nobody in America can be taken for granted.”

The amount represents the amount the average member of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community contributes to the US economy each day, and could grow beyond the $1.4 billion that LGBT workers contribute each day – more than $500 billion each year according to computations by Washington D.C.-based public relations firm Witeck-Combs Communications.

The walkout combines several actions highlighting the various ways that Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) Citizens contribute to the economy on a regular basis.

Other components of the Boycott include a one-day work stoppage or “pink flu” day to make employers and colleagues aware of their gay and lesbian employees and what it would be like without them; a moratorium on spending for goods and services such as gas, food and clothing, to show retailers what would happen if 7% of their revenue goes away; closures by sympathetic businesses to make their customers aware of how dependent Americans are upon each other; and a halt to cell phone use to spread the message to the many people every American communicates with each day, that marginalizing gay and lesbian citizens is not good for business.

Close to fifty businesses and 15,000 people have already pledged to participate using the online forms at the group’s web site. Some major groups that have endorsed or encouraged Boycott For Equality Day include Don’t Amend: The Equality Campaign, The Advocate magazine, Civil Marriage US, several local PFLAG chapters, DC Diversity, Equality Illinois and Wyoming Equality.

Additionally, Boycott For Equality is listed on Margaret Cho’s Marriage Equality Resource Site, www.loveisloveislove.com, as one of the things people can do to fight for the issue of Marriage Equality.

“We have had almost one million visitors to our web site. If just one tenth of those people are able to participate, we will have united to send a powerful message to those who stand in the way of economic growth” said Dale Duncan, co-founder of Boycott For Equality. “For many people, such as those who would be fired for participating in the walkout, this is the only way they will be able to express their frustration at obstacles to fairness.”

In at least 36 states it is still legal to fire some one because of their sexuality – even if they never bring it into the workplace. And nowhere in the United States are these taxpayers able to file joint federal income tax, combine tax deductions, or access their partner’s social security or disability benefits.

The actions were chosen so that they could be performed anonymously, yet demonstrate on a personal level how valuable LGBT citizens are to the community. They are also measurable and open to participation by an unlimited number of straight allies.

“Across the country, more than 80% of Americans support equal job opportunities for lesbians and gays” says Duncan. “These are people who understand how discrimination hurts their bottom line, and are willing to help their friends and colleagues secure basic rights and freedoms.”

———–

Boycott For Equality is an Atlanta-based non-profit formed to promote the boycott, scheduled this year for October 8. For that day, GLBT Americans and their straight allies are encouraged to withdraw from the economy in four specific areas:

1) Stay home from work. Do not generate payroll taxes, income taxes or add to the economy. If you run a business, let your customers
know by closing for the day.
2) Withdraw $80 from your bank account at an ATM.
3) Don’t shop. Do not generate sales tax or business revenue.
4) Hang up your cell phone. Your silence will affect your whole communications network.
=================================================================
http://www.boycottforequality.org/

From the website:
When?
Friday, October 8, 2004

1) Withdraw from your ATM. We are asking GLBT citizens to withdraw $80 from their bank accounts on that Friday and hold the cash in their pockets. This is the symbolic average daily contribution of gay people to the economy. There are an estimated 17 million GLBT citizens with a daily spending power of $1.4 billion, equivalent to $500 billion annually! On Saturday, October 9, either redeposit the money into your account, OR spend it at a local GLBT friendly business.

Why?
On February 24, 2004, the President of the United States declared war on gay/bisexual/transgendered Americans when he decided to support a Constitutional Amendment banning Same-Sex Marriage denying us over 1000 rights and responsibilities that all other Americans currently enjoy.

In addition, the Congress and State Legislatures have refused numerous attempts to pass employment non-discrimination laws. The discriminatory Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy continues to make a mockery of the service of lesbian and gay service people, when other democracies (i.e. Great Britain) allow gays to serve in the military.

GLBT citizens pay taxes everyday to support our government and society, just like heterosexual citizens. As such, we will no longer be treated as second-class citizens without the full protection of the law in employment non-discrimination or legal status in marriage, adoption or other rights. We should be able to serve our country with distinction without fear of discharge.

Gay people do not choose to be gay — who would logically choose to be despised by the majority. We do not choose to be homosexual any more than straights decide to be heterosexual. Left-handed people do not choose to be different than the right-handed majority — they just are!

I can’t see how this will work. . .
We can only have an impact if we get the word out and participate. Imagine the discussions that will occur if there is a significant amount of press leading up to those two days. Imagine if Broadway shut down for the day. Imagine if brides could not find florists for their weddings for those days. Imagine if people could not get appointments to get their hair cut that day. Imagine law enforcement officers not on their normal patrols. Imagine the conversations in classrooms at schools across America if teachers and principals didn’t show up to work that Friday. Imagine the discussions in Board Rooms and at the water coolers in corporations all over the country if major players don’t show up. Imagine the power that gays and lesbians who, for personal reasons, have chosen to stay in the closet will feel by quietly participating in this boycott.

Near as I can tell, this is legitimate. I ask that people who agree with this type of protest to pass along the word.

Sometimes I really am pretty stupid. I just locked myself out of the house. So I put a board against the fence, shimmied up it. Scampered across the roofs of the outbuildings in the next yard over. Jumped down into yet another yard. Ran across their lawn and out their gate. Got around the building and found our hidden key.

I feel like Catwoman.

“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.”

Wow. Go read this article

And here’s the latest meme: (snagged from lolitasir

What scar are you most proud of? Graduating from college.

What’s your favorite condiment? Ketchup

Do you have freckles? A few.

What’s your preferred method of cooking? baking or stir-frying.

What shoes are you wearing? none

Who was the first person you ever French kissed? heh. I don’t remember. It was pre-kindergarden. Does anyone remember that early?

What’s your preferred breed of dog? Great Dane. don’t ask.

Where were you were born? Panarama City, CA.

What color underwear are you wearing? none.

Where are your keys right now? On the rack by the front door. Oh, that is one more thing I should pack. *sigh*

What’s your opinion of airline food? Enh. Not great, but I deal.

What cosmetic surgery you would consider? Hmmmm. I think it depends on the defintion of surgery.

When did you last get laid? Uhm… 9? 10? days ago?

Where’s the most interesting place you’ve had sex? I hate this question. I’m pretty boring.

What’s been your worst ever injury or illness? Having half of my face ripped off by a pit bull.

Can you can sing well? Heh. I sing. Let’s just leave it at that.

What would your Olympic event would be? Debating.

Name someone you admire. Kathleen

Which country would be hardest for you to locate on a map? Kilimanjaro. Uhm. What continent is it on?

Which part of the Sunday paper do you read first? comics

What languages do you speak? English and a spattering of Spanish.

In what religion you were raised? I wasn’t raised in a religion.

Can you can draw well? My stick figures don’t turn out right.

What’s your favorite photograph? Hm. I don’t know. I have lots of photo’s that I like.

So… uhm… anyone not doing anything on Friday from about 5 to 7 or 7:30? 😀 You know you love me… Really.. you do! I swear!

I’m going to move on Friday because it is easier for my family to help and because someone with a truck (gotta love people with truck’s) to help me. I will be loading up at Tom’s house in Mountain View starting at about 5. I don’t think it will take that long to move everything out. Then we’ll drive over to Castro Valley and drop stuff off. I will be very willing to negotiate considerable favors in exchange. 🙂 You know you have always wanted me to make you a cake. 🙂

Oh. You guys were thinking dirty favors. Get your minds out of the gutter! Alternatively, you could write down your dirty ideas and email me and I’ll have more wanking material.

Call/email/comment… yeah. Something or other. Thanks!

I just got home. At 11:10. I left faire in Truckee at 5:15. yeah folks. 6 fucking hours. THAT is why I left faire early. *sigh* Although, I did shorten my traditional drive to/from Davis to only 3 hours.

*sigh*

And now I have homework to do. *sigh*

*clear throat*

I… have empty bookshelves. Go me.

Tonight I was charmingly asked by not one, but two people to come be social instead of making a lame ass attempt at packing. I’m so glad I did. I got snuggles and great conversation. Last night I had lovely people come over and cheer me up.

Ok, no more being whiny for me. My friends are far too amazing for me to be able to justify being upset. Thank you all so much. I would really like to get sappy and thank people individually now for how wonderful they are and how they specifically make me feel special, but I really need to go to sleep and that would be a little too schmoopy even for me. Suffice to say, I’m very grateful for the people who consent to being in my life. Thank you.

When I was younger, in high school and through most of my undergrad years, I hated Shakespeare. I thought he was so boring. Then I had a professor who introduced me to the “dirty” side of Shakespeare. Now, I find myself incredibly excited about teaching the bards work. His plays have such rich language and there are so many parts of my life that I can bring into teaching these works. My theatre background; I am sure I will find a way to bring up period dancing. I love the clothing of the period.

This is going to be fun.

I’m a slut I guess.

So uhmmm, does anyone have boxes lying around? 😀

I could use about ohhh 20 more… *sigh*

I hate packing.

What I announced in my journal was tonight. I’m not supplying food, just tonic water. Bring other stuff. I’m sure I can share some alcohol as well. 🙂 I don’t have any other interesting mixings for the tonic water.

I repeat. If you just saw stuff in my journal, that is for tonight. There was an email about something else, but that was something else.

Ok. Better now?

Would someone like to bring me the gift of packing tape? I’m too lazy to go to the store…

I skipped class tonight because I have a wicked fierce migraine. I’m sure it is stress induced. Instead I have thought a lot about the upcoming move and done jack shit to get ready for it.

I have also had an interesting time thinking about the state of my life. It is kind of sad/lame that I can sit around and think of loads of wonderous things in my life and still not be happy. I’m trying though. I have loads of good things in my life. I have the coolest friends. I have some pretty amazing people interested in me. I am so lucky. I keep wondering how my life is going to go. I have no idea yet.

Trying to perk up. Damnit. I can do it. And a conversation earlier in the day made me feel… interested. Hopeful? I don’t know. Confused. Breathless. Someone who has known me through all of my spastic freakiness and still has some interest in me. Wow. Uhm, I don’t know what to say. Good days, bad days. How many good days have I had this week?