By the way. angelbob posted something in the last few minutes that is a BIG DEAL in my life. If you want to know about the status of our relationship you ought to go look. Really. Go look. Right now.
Oh, uhm… PSA
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Author Archives: Krissy Gibbs
The flip side
So, my honey is awesome and wondrous and fabulous. He is also an evil soul (ok, just time) sucking bastard!
First Firefly and Serenity, now freakin Something Positive. I’m reading another comic or two everytime I come back to my desk. Evil man.
Yeah… http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp10012002.shtml made me very happy.
Testimony
I have the best partner ever. I am uhhh somewhat given to over reacting. My baby will let me huff and puff and blow the house down without getting involved or upset. It’s the best possible reaction to my hystrionics. He tells me that it is better to get out the bad emotions than bottle them up. I feel very loved.
I picked the right boy.
Feck.
My wallet was stolen from work. I only had like $5 in it, but… damnit! I have to try and remember what was in it so I can cancel/change all of my cards.
Although, on the card changing bit… the timing isn’t so bad.
Edit: I’m not always brilliant. Uhm. I found it.
Schedules are lame
My prep period is fourth period. Normally this means I get a little break early in the day. But on Tuesdays it means that I teach two 105 minute classes with a two hour and 45 minute break in between. Wednesdays I teach three 105 minute breaks with only brief releases to sprint to the bathroom and wolf down food.
Oy. Next year I’m voting on a different schedule.
Custom embroidery
A long time friend is getting married next Saturday and has decided she wants some custom embroidery and wants to know if she can get a handkerchief done by Thursday. Do you know of anyone?
Yay!
This weekend Noah and I ran away. As we were doing so we went shopping, cause hey–life is hard, let’s go shopping!
I have a perty dress hanging in my living room. I like looking at it.
Oh, and not with the sick anymore.
10 random lines
Remember that meme where you write 10 lines to 10 people? Well–in no particular order…
(This is from me and Noah.)
1. You inspired us.
2. We won’t require your services.
3. Please don’t come to California.
4. Can we have a party there anyway?
5. Never say never or other words that start with ne.
6. I guess you don’t have to buy a corset now.
7. Will you still come visit?
8. We are not staying where you did.
9. We beat you!
10. It isn’t about you.
Readability
Hey blacksheep_lj is this easier to read?
Not dying
The doctor said: “Worst case scenario this is strep throat. It is probably just a nasty virus. There are some unpleasant bugs floating around and a couple of doctors are out sick.”
She did tests and will call me with the results. HA! I was SO RIGHT. Told you people I should just suffer. heh
Made my freakin day
I just got this email from a parent.
Mrs. A,
Hi my name is J. M. I am N’s mom. I just wanted to send you a little note to let you know how much N needs your class. Although he went to a private school for 9 years, the writing program was very week. He suffered last year and is now in your class.
N came home the first day and said, “Mom, I totally need this class. She is going to really teach us how to write. She went on to tell us how important writing will be for the rest of our lives.” I must say I was impressed with his reaction to what you said.
I will do my best to keep him motivated and on top of his homework. I will be checking school loop every day. I would like to send off an email to you a couple times a month, just for checks and balances and to keep on top of any missed assignments, should there be any. I know you have a million kids all day long, but I hope we can stay in touch periodically through email.
I look forward to a great year for N and him learning how to write properly!
Have a fantastic weekend!
dudethissorocksmysocksoff!!!!
Edited cause I’m a dork.
School Loop = online source where teachers post assignments and do their gradebook so that students and parents can stay up to date.
What I can do
I have a doctors appt for 8am the day that my insurance comes into effect. The medical center is even near my house. I am setting up sub plans so that I don’t have to come in at all tomorrow.
This is at least somewhat responsible.
I am still so freakin sick it isn’t funny. Because I am repeating myself a lot during the day (the same damn class four times) I will trail off in the middle of a sentence and ask if I have already said that. I feel bad for the kids. 🙁 I’m *so* happy they have all been working hard today. I haven’t had to do more than remind them a little to not interrupt others while they are working. It’s great.
Eating is not super fun cause my throat hurts so I am mostly eating over ripe fruit and drinking juice. The pad see ewe I had for breakfast was even a bit of a stretch cause the broccoli was kind of owie. It was SO DAMN TASTY though. Totally worth suffering for. I want to leave school basically as soon as 7th period is over and go home and lie down. My shoulders don’t hurt as much by neck is hurting more and more by the quarter hour. This totally blows.
{my shit} And yet more family drama
Yesterday I got into a fast and furious argument with my sister via IM. Noah watched the conversation and feels I was pretty reasonable. Today I got this email. It was sent to my niece and nephew and cc’ed to me.
Well, we had a bit of a broo-ha-ha over IM yesterday. Basically, ifyou want to have anything to do with her, I don’t want to hear aboutit.
I am sick to death of her telling me I’m wrong and she’s right. Iwill NOT listen to one more single word against my mother by anyone. And I know I am right in this. Someone must retain family values andhonor, and that starts by protecting one’s mother.
Love is the counterpoint of all families. It starts with birth andthe incredible love a parent has for their child. That transcends tobrothers, sisters, uncles, cousins, etc., etc. More than love isneeded though; you also must learn forgiveness and compassion. I hopeyou two learn these lessons better than I have. I have forgiven, and Ifeel for them, but I no longer have any desire to put my heart in thethresher to be chewed up and spit out. And I’m angry that my siblingshave never bothered to ask what really happened. Never. They justfigure it started with them I guess. Hah! It started with me andMom. MY mom. I remember it all, and I often wish I didn’t. But Itold myself when I was 5 that I needed to remember it all so I wouldn’tdo to you what was done to me. At least I did that much.
If Auntie wants to know you guys, fine. But unless SHE comes tosome understanding that she is not the only person with a history,pain, anger and serious betrayal issues to deal with, I do not wish tospeak with her. I can no longer handle anyone telling me what I thinkis correct or incorrect; it just is. I can no longer handle anyonetelling me what I FEEL is wrong. It is what I feel, and God made methe way I am. I can only assume its for a reason.
I am sorry I’m such a terrible disappointment to my siblings. I’lljust stay the fuck away from them so I don’t fuck up any more of theirlives or mental well-being. I’m sorry we cannot talk. I’ve tried. Iget attacked, pure and simple. And when I get attacked, I get loud andaggressive and say things I don’t really mean and then Auntie says”See! See!” so I can’t talk to her anymore. Of my immediate family,only Tommy ever understood me, and I’ve been bereft since he left us.
I’m sorry guys; I know this is upsetting to you. I’m not saying youcan’t have a relationship with whomever you wish to cultivate arelationship with. I’m just saying I no longer wish to know about it. It just makes me far too angry. And yes, I’m sick to death of lettinga ghost fuck up my present. I’m sick of not being allowed to defendmyself in this matter too. In the beginning I thought I couldn’thandle the shame of it, and I couldn’t do that financially to mySIBLINGS, and now I feel like my SIBLINGS just want to shut me up. They can heal in whatever manner they need to heal, but I’ve never hadthat option. I’ve always had to put someone else’s well-being in frontof my own.
And it looks as though I’m going to do it again. So Auntie doesn’thave to worry about her poor brother Jimmy, I won’t do anything. Again. I’ll just DEAL, because nobody else can and somebody has too,right?
And no, I’m not writing off anyone. I am simply choosing to notparticipate in their collective BS. And yes, I call it BS because Iknow BS when it gets thrown in my face. It stinks and hurts the eyes.Which means I’m not willing to be the familyblack-sheep/fall-guy/punching-bag anymore. This is about self-respect,and nothing else. I feel bad that it’s come to this, but I have towatch out for me now.
I love you guys! And I always, always will.
Mom
As an aside, I realize everyone carries the burdens given to them,and it’s all individualistic. I also realize I must be a very strongperson, because some people get fucked up over incidents here andthere, but I’ve managed to stay reasonably sane despite the constantbrain-washing and physical/sexual abuse I grew up with. I canliterally recall 14 constant years of it. Only visits to my Gramma’shouse (a grandmother others may actually think wasn’t good for kids)kept me sane. Maybe I just need to hit something.
I just want to walk away from all of this.
Life
Starting Sunday night I have had blinding headaches every night. The kind where I lie still and try not to breath. I’ve tried migraine meds and one kind helped the first night but the other kinds haven’t done much.
Today I noticed that the blinding headache is concentrating further south. My neck and throat are very swollen and painful. I’m starting to have trouble talking and swallowing. I feel like I have a noticeable fever. I don’t have health insurance until Friday. One of the other teachers on campus told me to take the next two days off, but I don’t feel like that would be responsible. And besides–the irony of me skipping school because I am sick when I wouldn’t skip for Burning Man is funny. (I know I know. Health thing versus going to play… but still.)
I think this is the third time in my life when I have cancelled something big and major only to get very sick right before I was supposed to start doing whatever it is. Intuition maybe?
Spontaneity.
I was just talking to a friend about how upset she is that she can’t go to Burning Man this year.
So uhm, I’m giving her my ticket and I’m going to let her borrow my car to get there. Guess I dodged that bullet. Ha.
Happy thoughts
As I was walking to my car after my therapy session today I listed to a conversation about the removal of “planet” status from Pluto between three guys doing landscaping. This made me ridiculously happy. They were talking about who has the right to decide status about different things and then it lead to some pretty insightful comments about government. As a teacher I was so happy I was wiggling. They were so thinking critically. 🙂
And then my brjulia called me!! YAY! I loves my Julia.
So today can’t be bad. It just isn’t allowed to be.
Distraction
I was told that I should take advantage of this forced alone time to build my individuation or some crap like that. Yeah, whatever. 😉
Yesterday was freaking busy!! I went over to blacksheep_lj‘s house and helped her and her husband load the truck. I uhhh kind of started assuming dominant pack position and bossed them and the two teenagers who were also there around. Thankfully I don’t think I pissed anyone off and we got a lot done. 🙂 Then I came home and spent a little more time than I should have before I convinced myself to head down to my school to do some work on my classroom. Right now it is completely clean and tidy, but I don’t have everything in the room I need to have. I need to go to Target and Raft (a special teacher store) and get some more stuff. This is where teaching is expensive. Oy. While I was cleaning my room I talked to a friend about the party happening at the Citadel and I asked him to tell me if I should go or not and he told me not to. It certainly turned out all for the best so–thank you.
After the room maintanence I was feeling very anxious and disconnected so I went over to a housewarming I didn’t think I would make it to. I got to flirt heavily with some super hot people. I officially established a long held suspicion about them. 🙂 It makes me very happy. I… uhhh… think I will probably take them up on it at some point when my life is calm and stable and I’m not likely to end up being psycho at them just because I’m stressed out. (I love you both too much to want to subject you to my behavior while super stressed.) While I was there another friend called and told me about the womens party happening at Edges–which is the bdsm space in the south bay. So I ran off to that hoping to play with some hot dykes. Unfortunately no hot sex or play happened, but I did spend hours entwined around a gorgeous girly and I got to talk to people I haven’t spent much time with in a long time. It was really great. I didn’t leave until 1:30 and then I got to glory in the fact that Edges is less than 15 minutes away from my house, unlike the hour drive home from the city. Rock on.
Today I have therapy, two going away parties, and probably some house cleaning thrown in for good measure. Oh, I also hope to do Target and Raft runs. Tomorrow: special time with one of the people I value most in my life. It’ll be good. And Monday I start work and my Noah comes home! I think I am being successfully individuated. 😛
(Although–I’m beginning to think that my “I can’t sleep when I am alone” thing is caused more by my belief than by actual circumstance. I need some sleep desperately.)
Date watching
I’m obsessed with keeping track of time. I’m just like that. Some big upcoming dates.
August 29: Kids come back to school.
September 1: I run off to Burning Man
September 9: The wedding of my oldest friend. (I have known Britt since birth.)
September 10: The wedding reception of the man I negotiated poly to date. He married the gorgeous woman he was dating when I fell for him. I’m so glad that I got to love him and then to love her as well. (Not that way you filthy perverts.) Congratulations again to you both. I’m so happy for you both.
September 10: I turn 25.
September 14: I will have been dating Spot for six months. Damn how time flies.
September 15-17: Roadtrip to Disneyland with my lovely Noah and with Spot. Heh. We’ll see if this poly experiment crashes and burns. I have high hopes. (Hell, I already know all the drama will come from me because they are both so mellow. Let’s see how stupid I act.)
September 20: Spot’s birthday. He is going to be hella old, but I won’t rat on him and report just *how* old.
September 28: Six months since Noah dropped a huge bomb on me.
September 30: Next tat sitting. *shudder*
Good god. I think that is enough to keep track of in one month. *beat head against wall*
{even more dirty} Overshare
Adventures–most of which have not been the best ever.
Today I get to go find a tow place and deal with my car. It is going to take more money for me to finally be an adult and deal with the stupid thing ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! *sigh* I’m not grown up yet or this wouldn’t have gotten to this point.
Last night I ate at the Elephant Bar for the first time. And the meal ended up being free because I killed a cockroach crawling on the wall of the booth. The waiter and manager were horrified. I’m willing to bet they were far more freaked out than I was. dude. I lived in SoCal. ‘Roaches are just part of life.
Despite the fact that I didn’t drag Spot off to the gym last night I had a really good time with him. Conversation was diverse and interesting and other things went damn well. 🙂
Still miss that Noah guy.
Today I get to do lots of errands. Go to the post office for the Noah. Deal with my car. Set up my classroom. Go to my first class at SJSU. I am kind of being a bad person about the SJSU class though. I don’t really want to take a poetry writing workshop. But there are no other classes this semester that appeal to me more. *sigh* I’m kind of wondering if I should just wait a semester and take a class I actually *like* and will enjoy working for next semester. It isn’t like all of my requirements are going to be done this semester anyway. It’s complicated. I have 6 hours to think about this. I don’t think it would be the end of the world, really. Hell–even if I waited a whole year it isn’t like my credits will expire or become a problem and I have a shitload on my plate right now.
I’m just not feeling adult enough to handle one more thing right now I think.