Yesterday I went to a birthday party and got to feel out of my depth in a really good way. The conversations were almost entirely on topics I find interesting (gardening, religion, law, taxes, human interactions, books) but they were all complex and complicated and going into specifics and examples I’d never heard of. Noah called it “deep humanities geeking”. I think I had a nerdgasm. I don’t think I impressed anyone at the event with my intelligence because I mostly listened with my mouth open in shock at how freakin cool the conversation was. 🙂 I think that was one of the best gatherings I’ve attended in years. I am rarely in the room with that many extremely smart people where computers were not a focus.

It was also interesting because I sort of knew a bunch of people there but didn’t know almost anyone well. That’s kind of awkward feeling to me. I keep rediscovering how socially awkward I am when I am not using sex/bdsm as an introduction to people. I’m not sure if it is a sign of low self esteem that my primary way of getting to know people is, “Hey–wanna fuck?” 🙂 It’s just awkward because I can’t use it anymore and so I don’t know how to get to know people. 🙂 Uhm, yay for learning experiences? It’s freakin hard to get to know people. One person that I knew at the party but whom I haven’t seen in years said, “So what are you doing with yourself these days?” I pointed at Shanna and said, “that.” “Oh, you’re a housewife.” See, this is why I feel like I am not very interesting these days. There is a world of scorn for how I spend most of my time. Oh well, I like it.

It feels repetitive to say, but Shanna is becoming more and more interesting. I have no worry about her liking books because she is really interested in them and she will sit and ‘read’ and talk to herself while Noah and/or I read. She’s also paying a lot more attention to her doll and the bigger apes lately. I’m not sure why, but she really likes going through her toys if they are all put away but if they are on the floor they are not as much of a draw. This drives me sorta nuts. It feels like she needs to go through stuff in the house creating as many messes as humanly possible. I’m pretty sure this is developmental though so I try not to let it get to me. Instead I have made it really really easy to clean up her toys and I do that about fifteen times a day.

Yesterday I get to hold one of the little twins for a few minutes before she was unhappy with me and she felt much like Kidlet–super solid. Shanna feels so mushy and soft compared to other kids to me. It’s really interesting feeling how much difference there is between different little kids in terms of how muscle/fat feel on the body. I know this variation is normal and to be expected but I have so little experience with babies/little kids that I’m continually surprised. 🙂

Shanna is eating like mad. It’s really interesting to me how much food she can pack away in that tiny little body. Sometimes when she is eating off of my plate I have to get more food because she has eaten enough that it makes a serious dent in my portion size. We make a whole extra egg now for breakfast because I think she eats a bit more than an egg and it was sucking to have that come out of my share. 🙂 I like watching how her eating is starting to be ruled by mood. There are times when she is just not in the mood for specific foods even though she will happily eat them at other times. She eats a wide array of foods that surprise me. She eats basically everything we eat except nuts, honey, and meat. She is fine and dandy with spicy and super strong flavors. I love watching her face when she eats pickles. 🙂

It’s also neat watching her start to have relationships with people other than me. She recognizes people now and goes to them. She loves Aunt Sarah and Aunt Marcie. She sees them more than anyone other than us and she responds to them. I think she would be even warmer towards Marcie if she saw her more. She doesn’t see my family enough to have a bond with them and that’s bugging my family members. They think she ‘should’ go to them more easily but I’m completely unwilling to push that. She’ll warm up at her own speed. When she’s around other babies/kids she is fascinated. I always feel kind of nervous because she really likes to flail and whack people pretty hard and I feel guilty when she does that to someone else’s kid. On one hand I know it is normal and developmental and not in any way mean. On the other hand–dude, my kid is smacking the hell out of other kids. I go back and forth between feeling like I should intervene (which mostly means keeping her far enough away physically that she can’t hit) and feeling like I should let her figure out how to interact. Especially when she is with an older kid I wonder if letting the older kid defend him/herself would be better. I’m not quite sure I’m up for treating it like Lord of the Flies and just letting them fight it out amongst themselves, but I do wonder about a certain amount of non-parental influence being better. I haven’t figured this out yet. I keep telling myself, “At least it isn’t biting.” But I shouldn’t say that cause who knows what she’ll be doing in a year. oy.

Overall this is still the best gig I’ve ever had. I’m really glad I get to stay home with her. And here are a few new pictures: Continue reading →